girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(via sylph-o-space)

momotaroumiikoshibas:

All the times the 183 cm (6’0”)  titan Makoto Tachibana hid behind his 175 cm (5’9”) boyfriend Haruka Nanase

(via eridanisrightnoleft)

salparadisewasright:

tea-with-a-splash-of-kitten:

The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can’t google the lyrics because there are none

image

(via johnegderptheadorkable)

gamko:

Oh, no, of course, you’re right. My mistake.

gamko:

Oh, no, of course, you’re right. My mistake.

(via johnegderptheadorkable)

fieryfilms:

Free sumarizes the stress of school in less than a minute.

(via sylph-o-space)

owlmylove:

when i find stretch marks on my thighs i make a point of smooching them because they’re just doing their best at keeping the all-powerful immortal Being within me from ripping my mortal shell asunder in a blaze of heavenly glory and eviscerating the cosmos in my divine wrath

(via johnegderptheadorkable)

awkwardnarturtle:

i-mahu:

There’s two types of anger one is dry and the other wet and basically wet anger is when your eyes water and your voice shakes and I hate that cause I feel weak when I’m crying while angry I like dry anger when your face is like stone and your voice is sharp I guess wet anger shows that you care too much and dry anger means you’re done.

This is the best description ever

(via princestyle)

thirstiest:

i’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it badly enough that it’s not funny anymore

(via griimdorks)

spontaneousmusicalnumber:

chusovitina:

hanamon:

kanaya-maryam-is-dead:

angryvriska:

cyberacat:

youtastedalektable:


she had a tough time getting out of the block pit

IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN I A BLOCK PIT THEN YOU DONT KNWO THE FEAR. IT SUCKS YOU IN DEEPER AS YOU TRY TO MOVE. IT’S LIKE THE MUGGLE’S DEVIL’S SNARE MAN.

YOU HAVE TO USE ALL YOUR STRENGTH TO GET OUT OF THOSE FUCKERS
OKAY
I HAVE BEEN IN ONE AND ITS LIKE SWIMMING IF YOU DON’T STOP MOVING YOU EITHER FLOAT OR SINK THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN

WE HAD THESE WHEN I USED TO BE IN GYMNASTICS AND I HATED THESE FUCKING THINGS THEY SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

I ONCE GOT STUCK AT THE BOTTOM OF ONE OF THESE AND WHEN PEOPLE CAME TO LOOK FOR ME, I GOT STEPPED ON TWICE

so when i was seven i got stuck at the bottom of one and i blacked out. apparently it took them 45 minutes to empty the pit enough to find me. my therapist believes this is why i have claustrophobia.

At least she’s face up. The worst is when you go in head first. I’ve been pulled out by my toes several times.

#FRIENDS I HAVE SOME ADVICE FOR YOU#DO NOT TRY TO WALK OR SWIM OUT OF A BLOCK PIT#GET YOURSELF HORIZONTAL#AND THEN ROLL OUT#IT WORKS JUST LIKE TANK TREADS GOING OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN#ITS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET SOME TRACTION AND NOT GET SUCKED BACK IN
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST YOU UN-ATHLETIC FRICKERS
DONT PANIC
TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT

spontaneousmusicalnumber:

chusovitina:

hanamon:

kanaya-maryam-is-dead:

angryvriska:

cyberacat:

youtastedalektable:

she had a tough time getting out of the block pit

IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN I A BLOCK PIT THEN YOU DONT KNWO THE FEAR. IT SUCKS YOU IN DEEPER AS YOU TRY TO MOVE. IT’S LIKE THE MUGGLE’S DEVIL’S SNARE MAN.

YOU HAVE TO USE ALL YOUR STRENGTH TO GET OUT OF THOSE FUCKERS

OKAY

I HAVE BEEN IN ONE AND ITS LIKE SWIMMING IF YOU DON’T STOP MOVING YOU EITHER FLOAT OR SINK THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN

WE HAD THESE WHEN I USED TO BE IN GYMNASTICS AND I HATED THESE FUCKING THINGS THEY SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

I ONCE GOT STUCK AT THE BOTTOM OF ONE OF THESE AND WHEN PEOPLE CAME TO LOOK FOR ME, I GOT STEPPED ON TWICE

so when i was seven i got stuck at the bottom of one and i blacked out. apparently it took them 45 minutes to empty the pit enough to find me. my therapist believes this is why i have claustrophobia.

At least she’s face up. The worst is when you go in head first. I’ve been pulled out by my toes several times.

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST YOU UN-ATHLETIC FRICKERS

DONT PANIC

TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT

(via jade-homestuck-harley)